Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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