I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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