it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
