Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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