great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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