i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
