Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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