if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
