; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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