so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
