wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
