She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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