i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
