just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
