I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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