remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
