ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
