Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
