Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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