btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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