It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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