so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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