I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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