Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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