He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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