I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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