Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
