I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
