and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
