ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
