Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
