if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
