I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
