thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
