yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
