Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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