I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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