I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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