the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
