You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
