: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
