he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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