Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
