That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
