Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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