Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
