I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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