too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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