Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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