She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
