For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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