you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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