I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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