i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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