my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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