That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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