Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
