It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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