I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize