Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize