also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
