Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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