I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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