champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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