I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
